"Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish."

"My girlfriend sleeps in a queen-sized bed and I sleep in a court jester-sized bed."

"I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance."

"They say the sun never sets over the British Empire, but it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded."

"It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature."

"If dracula can't see his reflection in the mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?"

"The fewer clear facts you have in support of an opinion, the stronger your emotional attachment to that opinion."

"Outstanding leaders appeal to the hearts of their followers - not their minds."

"Most American children suffer too much mother and too little father."

"As the networks evolve, so do my opinions toward them, and my divergent feelings bring out conflicting points of view. In advance, I apologize to those who expect a consistent position from me."

"Baseball is a skilled game. It's America's game -- it, and high taxes."

"It is easier to port a shell than a shell script."