"People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up."

"The turtle lives 'twixt plated decksWhich practically conceal its sex.I think it clever of the turtleIn such a fix to be so fertile."

"A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold."

"When there are monsters there are miracles."

"People who have what they want are very fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they don't want it."

"Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very funny -Did you ever try buying them without money?"

"I detest converts almost as much as I do missionaries."

"The Pig, if I am not mistaken, Supplies us sausage, ham, and Bacon. Let others say his heart is big, I think it stupid of the Pig."

"When there's a lot of light, you don't notice the dark. When there's a lot of dark you always notice the light."

"Here's to our wives and girlfriends... may they never meet!"

"The state is nothing but an instrument of oppression of one class by another--no less so in a democratic republic than in a monarchy."

"Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier."